American Idol Season 7 Finale

I’m not stupid. I know American Idol is all about money, selling an image and making the sponsors happy. I have come to terms with this but I just wish the producers and all involved would stop trying to deny it. As for the seventh season finale, it was probably the worst two hours of entertainment that you can put on television.

The season in general has been pretty bad with boring mentors and lamer themes throughout the weeks. Most contestants had bland personalities and I found myself disliking more of the singers than actually rooting for them (See: Brooke White). They made a step in the right direction allowing contestants to play instruments but I felt that when they took advantage of the rule change, it neither helped or hindered the performance. I could care less that David Cook (or Daughtry 2.0) won but the continuous high praise for his butt-rock arrangements made me want stab myself in the ear with Chad Kroeger’s capo.

As for the show itself, it felt like watching my local oldies radio station. The closest thing they came to a contemporary song was OneRepublic’s “Apologize,” which was actually a scarce highlight. But really, ZZ Top? Graham Nash? Donna Summer? Brian Adams? George Michael? This sounds like the free summer concert series lineup at the Hatch Shell rather than the Idol Finale.

Not only was every surprise guest completely irrelevant to today’s music landscape, but naturally, all have a new record or tour coming up and this was how their record company decided to spend its entire marketing budget. Which brings me to the worst offender: Mike Myers and The Love Guru. We know the movie will suck and make tons of money but Mike Myers hasn’t been funny since right after the first Austin Powers flick came out (1997, yes, that’s over ten years). By continuing to repackage horrible characters with lame accents, he has erased all memory of his solid work on SNL. Anyways, I could live with the corny pre-taped package of him and the Davids “ad libbing” but did he really need to make a live appearance on stage? You already know the answer. I think the Guru segment must have taken up five solid minutes of airtime which would have been much better spent on bringing back Maroon 5 or Rihanna.

Sure, the Jonas Brothers performed to boost ratings but nothing could save this sinking ship. The finale was just a microcosm of the entire season, which suffered from poor ratings and rumblings that the entire show is fixed. The weeks leading up to the competition failed to produce a single signature Blake Lewis moment and left me disappointed. This was supposed to be the best season yet with all ringers in the competition but with Carly going out early and Captain Stoner McDreads making it as far as he did, last night all I found myself wanting was a huge serving of Sanjaya.

Top 5 Moments/Train Wrecks of Season 7

5. Jason Castro – “I Shot the Sheriff” – Sacreligious.
4. David Archuleta – “With You”– I’m uncomfortable just watching this.
3. Carly Smithson – “Total Eclipse of the Heart” – I actually liked this, along with her version of “Blackbird,” but loose the face tatted hubby Carly.
2. Kristy Lee Cook – “Eight Days a Week” – She should have been shipped back to the farm as soon as she country fried this Beatles classic.
1. Brooke White – “I’m a Believer” – Where do I begin? The pants, the guitar, the facial expressions?

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Filed under Cultural Criticism, Television

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