I like American Idol. I watch it every week and think it’s good entertainment. Now I certainly don’t waste my money voting but I’m pretty sure I have better things to say about the contestants than Kara Dioguardi. So, for the rest of the competition I’ll give my two cents on the performances and break it down a little further than “you look pretty tonight.” Two went home last night so we’ll pick it up from there with the top 11. I hated Jasmine and Jorge anyways.
Adam Lambert: Obviously, he’s the best singer. He’s got amazing range and is comfortable working the stage and audience. I really don’t think he’s going to win though. A) he’s gay and way too flamboyant for the red states to vote for him when it comes down to the end and B) I think he’ll stumble on some of the theme weeks that aren’t in his ballpark, like say country week, unless he pulls a David Cook and arranges every song to fit his glammed out rocker scream. But if they wheel out “80’s Hair Metal Night” in week 10 then just hand him the crown now.
Alexis Grace: Talk about a transformation. Take a look at her in the regional auditions compared to today. Now that’s a makeover! She’s a solid singer but the pint-sized bluesy singer might be too one dimensional. The single mom factor gets her votes but I don’t see her going very far.
Anoop Desai: Anoop Dawg barely escaped his comical romp of “Beat It” and unless he steps up his game, he’ll probably be an early exit. I just don’t see the vocal chops in him. I suggest he go the Sanjaya route and just try to ham it up for his remaining time. He’ll probably get more votes that way. Plus, North Carolina Tar Heels suck.
Danny Gokey: The other “chosen one,” Danny Gokey has more hype than Pepsi Clear and more frames than Lenscrafters. He’s got the tailor-made sob story for TV and while he can carry a tune, his gravely tone just doesn’t do it for me. I expect him to go far simply because voters are stupid, the guy’s wife passed away and he’s a church choir leader. Look for him to sing more songs like “Hero” to tug at the hearts of America and drain your wallets.
Scott MacIntyre: We get it. He’s blind and he plays the piano. HOLY SHIT. I thought Stevie Wonder was the only person in the world with talent and a disability. He’s not the strongest singer and Scott will surely select songs that he can play behind the piano and contain the words “hope,” “strength” or “brave.” He’ll remain on the show for as long as the voting public feels guilty about not voting for him.
Allison Iraheta: The girl is sixteen and sounds like 55-year old chain smoker. The comparrisons to Pink are evident but Allison’s ditzy teen personailty is so grating that it pains me whenever she talks unsolicited. Nice sense of humor by the way. Gotta love those cutting jokes. Oh, and the pre-taped package of her singing in an empty department store–pure comedy. Made Tiffany’s mall tour look like selling out Wembley.
Michael Sarver: Simon said it best, “I wish we knew what this guy did for a living.” He’s an OK singer but another clear case of his backstory and relatable ‘regular guy’ persona will only get him so far before people realize he’s just average.
Kris Allen: Dude busted out the acoustic guitar on a Michael Jackson song and kept true to the original arrangement. Come on son. Just because you feel comfortable playing an instrumument on stage does not mean you bust it out on the first week. Kris thinks he’s John Mayer/Jason Mraz but he’s probably only suited to play at your local coffee house open mic. Again, Simon on point with the comment about holding of on the marriage factoid until later in the show. Expect a drop in teen voting that propelled mr. chill Jason Castro last year.
Lil Rounds: If this is her real name, she needs to sign with Diddy immediately. Maybe it’s short for Lillian or Lilaquesha, either way she’s got pipes and I loved her sass. Probably my second favorite singer on the show. I hope she does her thing and fires the stylist that dressed her this week.
Megan Joy Corkrey: She’s hot. She’s got a sleeve tat. She cawed after singing “Rocking Robin.” Easily my favorite singer right now, Megan just needs to not take a shit on the mic and she’ll make it a few weeks. She doesn’t have the best vocals but her tone and enthusiasm is encouraging. I can get over the single mother factor and the awkward dance moves but please, never crimp your hair again!
Matt Giraud: Ok Matt, if you googled yourself and reading this now: You’re not Justin Timberlake. You’re not Chris Martin of Coldplay. You are the poorest man’s Joel Madden with the wanna be style of Mr. West. Sure you can play the piano but this is a singing competition so please go back to your Billy Joel piano bar gig and enjoy your fifteen minutes while it lasts.
Until next week.