Falcon, The Fucking Balloon Boy

I really wished this was true. Yesterday, the nation was captivated by news out of Colorado that a six-year-old boy crawled into a compartment of a balloon and floated away. Sure, it could have happened but it turned out that young Falcon Heene was just hiding in his attic because he was scared of his dickhead dad. Last night as the balloon was popped in a field and it was discovered that Falcon was safe, we all breathed a sigh of relief. But as the media circus still swarmed, people already started to question if this was some elaborate hoax for attention. Then, on the expected morning talk show circuit today, Falcon said, like a true, naive kid that he “did it for the show.” Someone also farted if you listen closely.

Busted. Kids are too stupid to follow complicated lies. When asked a simple question, children give you a straight answer. Dad must not have thought of that when he paraded his family onto live TV. I have no doubt now that this whole “Balloon Boy” fiasco was some elaborate scheme by Dad to attain more attention and recognition for whatever his fucked up life goals are. All you really need to know about this family is that they were on Wife Swap twice (!) and the video below pretty much sums up Captain Douche.

I’m sure this whole Balloon Boy bullshit will blow over and be out of the news cycle within the next few hours, but I really hope the Colorado authorities do whatever is in their power to prosecute this family and punish them for a false complaint, wasting time and resources of emergency crews, and all other troubles that this stunt caused.

Unfortunately, this is the world we live in. Everyone wants their fifteen minutes and people are now stooping so low to achieve any ounce of fame that their willing to fabricate stories and involve their innocent kids. The media is partly to blame, but what are they supposed to do? What if there really was a kid in that balloon and he was rescued? The best thing to do now is to just forget the whole thing even happened. Let the local authories handle the consequences and the rest of America can go back to whining about health care.

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